It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
