I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
