A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
