hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize