...so i touched it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he shaved USA in his pubs
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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