did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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