I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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