I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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