Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
