It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
