You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
