I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
