I just threw up on my dentist
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
