dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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