omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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