She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
