eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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