so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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