yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
