In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
