the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
