lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
