He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
