weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
