I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
