Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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