I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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