just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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