he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize