were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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