And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize