It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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