I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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