she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
