so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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