Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
