Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
