swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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