when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
