Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
