idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
