things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize