Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
