someone get that fucking seahorse.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
