Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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