i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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