the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
