pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
