I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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