Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
