ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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