Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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