If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
