I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
