My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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