I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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