Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
worst night to have a conscience
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
