we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
