$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
