i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
