We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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