Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You've changed since you got that strap on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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