every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
