I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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