These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
