Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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