She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
