Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
