And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
