i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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